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Quote Author Rating Rate
"Nothing you can't spell will ever work." Will Rogers 3.5 avg (0 votes) Rate this Quote
"I've been accused of vulgarity. I say that's bullshit." Mel Brooks 4.5 avg (0 votes) Rate this Quote
"Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in my bath and she'd come in and sink my boats." Woody Allen 4.454545454545454 avg (0 votes) Rate this Quote
"When we played softball, I'd steal second base, feel guilty and go back." Woody Allen 4.2 avg (0 votes) Rate this Quote
"My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people." Orson Welles 4.75 avg (0 votes) Rate this Quote
"The reason I love my dog so much is because when I come home, he's the only one in the world who treats me like I'm The Beatles." Bill Maher 4.571428571428571 avg (0 votes) Rate this Quote
"Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns -- he should be drawn and quoted." Fred Allen 3.8333333333333335 avg (0 votes) Rate this Quote
"A Canadian is someone who knows how to make love in a canoe." Pierre Berton 3.857142857142857 avg (0 votes) Rate this Quote
"I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam: I looked into the soul of another boy." Woody Allen 4.2 avg (0 votes) Rate this Quote
"I've occasionally heard that I was kicked out of Harvard for being a Communist, for dealing drugs, for corrupting minors, or for diverse other infractions of local decorum. Unfortunately, none of these rumors are true. The one I've heard more often is that I am dead. That one I encouraged, hoping it would cut down on the junk mail. It didn't." Tom Lehrer 3.3333333333333335 avg (0 votes) Rate this Quote
"Success didn't spoil me, I've always been insufferable." Fran Lebowitz 4 avg (0 votes) Rate this Quote
"It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat keeps blowing off." Woody Allen 3.8 avg (0 votes) Rate this Quote
"The problem is not that we have too many fools, it's that the lightning isn't distributed right." Mark Twain 4.818181818181818 avg (0 votes) Rate this Quote
"Don't let people drive you crazy when you know it's in walking distance." Author Unknown 4.333333333333333 avg (0 votes) Rate this Quote
"I feel sorry for short people, you know. When it rains, they're the last to know." Rodney Dangerfield 3.75 avg (0 votes) Rate this Quote
"How can you be expected to govern a country that has 246 kinds of cheese?" Charles de Gaulle 3.5454545454545454 avg (0 votes) Rate this Quote
"I don't care what is written about me, so long as it isn't true." Dorothy Parker 3.8 avg (0 votes) Rate this Quote
"My goal is to someday be the person my dog thinks I am." Author Unknown 4.444444444444445 avg (0 votes) Rate this Quote
"Hosting the Oscars is like making love to a beautiful woman - it's something I only get to do when Billy Crystal's out of town." Steve Martin 3.75 avg (0 votes) Rate this Quote
"All I've ever wanted was an honest week's pay for an honest day's work." Steve Martin 4.875 avg (0 votes) Rate this Quote


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Abraham Lincoln Author Unknown Benjamin Franklin
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Rodney Dangerfield Samuel Goldwyn Stephen King
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