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"Deep versed in books and shallow in himself."
Henry Kissinger
"Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months."
Oscar Wilde
"Never interrupt me when I'm trying to interrupt you."
Winston Churchill
"If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn't be a bit surprised."
Dorothy Parker
"I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me."
Fred Allen
"The taxpayers are sending congressmen on expensive trips abroad. It might be worth it except they keep coming back."
Will Rogers
"I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it."
Groucho Marx
"I've seen George Foreman shadow boxing and the shadow won."
Muhammad Ali
"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."
Mark Twain
"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch."
Jack Nicholson
"I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly."
Winston Churchill
"From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it."
Groucho Marx
"You may have genius. The contrary is, of course, probable."
Oliver Wendell Holmes
"Denial ain't just a river in Egypt."
Mark Twain
"I would like to take you seriously, but to do so would affront your intelligence."
William F. Buckley
"He is a very modest man with a great deal to be modest about."
Winston Churchill
"I have just returned from Boston. It is the only sane thing to do if you find yourself up there."
Fred Allen
"I would not join any club that would have someone like me for a member."
Groucho Marx
"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."
Winston Churchill
"The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin."
Jay Leno
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