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"I have just returned from Boston. It is the only sane thing to do if you find yourself up there." -
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Top 5 quotes from Fred Allen
"A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized."
"I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me."
"A conference is a gathering of important people who singly can do nothing, but together can decide that nothing can be done."
"Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns -- he should be drawn and quoted."
Top 5 quotes from Clever Jabs
"Deep versed in books and shallow in himself."
"Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months."
"Never interrupt me when I'm trying to interrupt you."
"If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn't be a bit surprised."
"The taxpayers are sending congressmen on expensive trips abroad. It might be worth it except they keep coming back."
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