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"A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized." -
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Top 5 quotes from Fred Allen
"I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me."
"I have just returned from Boston. It is the only sane thing to do if you find yourself up there."
"A conference is a gathering of important people who singly can do nothing, but together can decide that nothing can be done."
"Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns -- he should be drawn and quoted."
Top 5 quotes from Miscellaneous
"Sex and creativity are often seen by dictators as subversive activities."
"Everything in the world may be endured except continued prosperity."
"Man has almost constant occasion for the help of his brethren, and it is in vain for him to expect it from their benevolence only."
"Every individual...generally, indeed, neither intends to promote the public interest, nor knows how much he is promoting it. By preferring the support of domestic to that of foreign industry he intends only his own security; and by directing that industry in such a manner as its produce may be of the greatest value, he intends only his own gain, and he is in this, as in many other cases, led by an invisible hand to promote an end which was no part of his intention."
"My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint."