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"I know you've been married to the same woman for 69 years. That is marvelous. It must be very inexpensive."
Johnny Carson
"I married the first man I ever kissed. When I tell this to my children, they just about throw up."
Barbara Bush
"I never knew what real happiness was until I got married, and by then it was too late."
Max Kaufman
"I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back."
Henny Youngman
"I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry."
Rita Rudner
"I think that everyone should get married at least once, so you can see what a silly, outdated institution it is."
Madonna Ciccone
"If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam."
Johnny Carson
"If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married."
Katherine Hepburn
"It is most unwise for people in love to marry."
George Bernard Shaw
"It is not the lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages."
Friedrich Nietzsche
"It takes two to make a marriage a success and only one to make it a failure."
Herbert Samuel
"It's a funny thing that when a man hasn't anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married."
Robert Frost
"I'm a great housekeeper: I get divorced, I keep the house."
Zsa Zsa Gabor
"I'm not upset about my divorce. I'm only upset I'm not a widow."
Roseanne Barr
"Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards."
Benjamin Franklin
"Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage: the wife is in charge."
Bill Cosby
"Love at first sight is easy to understand; it's when two people have been looking at each other for a lifetime that it becomes a miracle."
Amy Bloom
"Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing; a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished."
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
"Many a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his success."
Jim Backus
"Man's best possession is a sympathetic wife."
Euripides
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