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"I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back." -
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Top 5 quotes from Henny Youngman
"My Grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle."
"All men are not homeless, but some men are home less than others."
"You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it."
"I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places."
"I wanted to do something nice so I bought my mother-in-law a chair. Now they won't let me plug it in."
Top 5 quotes from Marriage
"The heart of marriage is memories; and if the two of you happen to have the same ones and can savor your reruns, then your marriage is a gift from the gods."
"Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who would want to live in an institution?"
"If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married."
"Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets."
"I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back."