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"I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places." -
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Top 5 quotes from Henny Youngman
"I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back."
"My Grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle."
"All men are not homeless, but some men are home less than others."
"You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it."
"I wanted to do something nice so I bought my mother-in-law a chair. Now they won't let me plug it in."
Top 5 quotes from Comedy
"I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy."
"I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch."
"All I've ever wanted was an honest week's pay for an honest day's work."
"Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
"The problem is not that we have too many fools, it's that the lightning isn't distributed right."