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"I know you've been married to the same woman for 69 years. That is marvelous. It must be very inexpensive."
"Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing to die."
"If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam."
"The difference between divorce and legal separation is that a legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money."

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