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"Don't you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is think up a certain number of words! Plus, you can repeat words! And they don't even have to be true!" -
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Top 5 quotes from Dave Barry
"Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice."
"The only kind of seafood I trust is the fish stick, a totally featureless fish that doesn't have eyeballs or fins."
"You should do your own car repairs. It's an easy way to save money and possibly maim yourself for life."
"Over the next hundred years or so football saw a great many major innovations and refinements that are too boring to even think about. Along the way professional football came into being so that the largest and most violent college players would have a way to earn money other than simply demanding it from innocent civilians."
"What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death."
Top 5 quotes from Dave Barry, Writing
"Four hostile newspapers are more to be feared than a thousand bayonets."
"Advice to young writers who want to get ahead without annoying delays: donít write about Man, write about 'a' man."
"No tears in the writer, no tears in the reader. No surprise in the writer, no surprise in the reader."
"Special-interest publications should realize that if they are attracting enough advertising and readers to make a profit, the interest is not so special."
"Fiction is the truth inside the lie."
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