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"If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead." -
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Top 5 quotes from Johnny Carson
"Talent alone won't make you a success. Neither will being in the right place at the right time, unless you are ready. The most important question is: 'Are you ready?'"
"People will pay more to be entertained than educated."
"If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners."
"I know you've been married to the same woman for 69 years. That is marvelous. It must be very inexpensive."
"Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing to die."
Top 5 quotes from Miscellaneous
"Sex and creativity are often seen by dictators as subversive activities."
"Everything in the world may be endured except continued prosperity."
"Man has almost constant occasion for the help of his brethren, and it is in vain for him to expect it from their benevolence only."
"Every individual...generally, indeed, neither intends to promote the public interest, nor knows how much he is promoting it. By preferring the support of domestic to that of foreign industry he intends only his own security; and by directing that industry in such a manner as its produce may be of the greatest value, he intends only his own gain, and he is in this, as in many other cases, led by an invisible hand to promote an end which was no part of his intention."
"My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint."