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"Jim Bakker spells his name with two k's because three would be too obvious." -
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Top 5 quotes from Bill Maher
"Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them."
"The reason I love my dog so much is because when I come home, he's the only one in the world who treats me like I'm The Beatles."
"Suicide is man's way of telling God, 'You can't fire me - I quit.'"
"The cable TV sex channels don't expand our horizons, don't make us better people and don't come in clearly enough."
"We have the Bill of Rights. What we need is a Bill of Responsibilities."
Top 5 quotes from Clever Jabs
"Deep versed in books and shallow in himself."
"Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months."
"Never interrupt me when I'm trying to interrupt you."
"If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn't be a bit surprised."
"I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me."
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