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Quote DB :: Comedy :: Clever Jabs Search in this category Sponsored Links Quote Author Rating Rate "I have just returned from Boston. It is the only sane thing to do if you find yourself up there." Fred Allen "I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me." Fred Allen "I love Thanksgiving. It's the only time in Los Angeles that you see natural breasts." Arnold Schwarzenegger "I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly." Winston Churchill "I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception." Groucho Marx "I once said cynically of a politician, 'He'll doublecross that bridge when he comes to it.'" Oscar Levant "I would like to take you seriously, but to do so would affront your intelligence." William F. Buckley "I would not join any club that would have someone like me for a member." Groucho Marx "If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check." Dan Quayle "If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn't be a bit surprised." Dorothy Parker "If my critics saw me walking over the Thames they would say it was because I couldn't swim." Margaret Thatcher "If you are resolutely determined to make a lawyer of yourself, the thing is more than half done already." Abraham Lincoln "Imagination is a quality given a man to compensate him for what he is not, and a sense of humor was provided to console him for what he is." Oscar Wilde "It's easy to identify people who can't count to ten. They're in front of you in the supermarket express lane." M. Grundler "I'm number 10 at the box office. Right under Barbra Streisand. Can you imagine being under Barbra Streisand? Get me a bag. I may throw up." Walter Matthau "I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it." Groucho Marx "I've seen George Foreman shadow boxing and the shadow won." Muhammad Ali "Jim Bakker spells his name with two k's because three would be too obvious." Bill Maher "Just the omission of Jane Austen's books alone would make a fairly good library out of a library that hadn't a book in it." Mark Twain "Like many intellectuals, he was incapable of saying a simple thing in a simple way." Marcel Proust << Previous 1 2 3 Next >> Browse Clever Jabs quotes by Author: Abraham Lincoln Adlai Stevenson Arnold Schwarzenegger Bill Maher Dan Quayle Dorothy Parker Dwight Eisenhower Fran Lebowitz Fred Allen George Bernard Shaw George Eliot George W. Bush Groucho Marx Henry Ford Henry Kissinger Hunter S. Thompson Jack Nicholson Jay Leno John McCain Kenneth Millar Laurence Peter M. Grundler Marcel Proust Margaret Thatcher Mark Twain Muhammad Ali Oliver Wendell Holmes Oscar Levant Oscar Wilde Rita Mae Brown Robin Williams Ronald Reagan Rush Limbaugh Saul Bellow Tim Blair Walter Matthau Will Rogers William F. Buckley William Shakespeare Winston Churchill

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