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"The Democrats seem to be basically nicer people, but they have demonstrated time and again that they have the management skills of celery." -
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Top 5 quotes from Dave Barry
"Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice."
"The only kind of seafood I trust is the fish stick, a totally featureless fish that doesn't have eyeballs or fins."
"You should do your own car repairs. It's an easy way to save money and possibly maim yourself for life."
"Over the next hundred years or so football saw a great many major innovations and refinements that are too boring to even think about. Along the way professional football came into being so that the largest and most violent college players would have a way to earn money other than simply demanding it from innocent civilians."
"What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death."
Top 5 quotes from Dave Barry, Politics
"I thought it completely absurd to mention my name in the same breath as the Presidency."
"The longer I am out of office, the more infallible I appear to myself."
"Politics is perhaps the only profession for which no preparation is thought necessary."
"The Vice Presidency is sort of like the last cookie on the plate. Everybody insists he won't take it, but somebody always does."
"Politics has got so expensive that it takes lots of money to even get beat with."