Quote DB
Tweet
Links
Contact Us
Quotes to your Site
Quote DB
Authors
Categories
Speeches
My Quote List
�
Add Quotes to Your Site - Quote Generator
add
quote of the day
,
random quotes
or by topic (e.g.
funny quotes
)
Quote DB
::
Authors
::
Dave Barry
:: View Quote
View Quote
"I probably should never have been there anyway, and it served me right when the two alert police officers fired up their siren, pulled me over, and pointed out that my car's registration had expired. I had not realized this, and as you can imagine I felt like quite the renegade outlaw as one of the officers painstakingly wrote out my ticket, standing well to the side of the road so as to avoid getting hit by the steady stream of passing unlicensed and uninsured motorists driving their stolen cars with their left hands so that their right hands would be free to keep their pit bulls from spilling their cocaine all over their machine guns. Not that I am bitter." -
Copy to Clipboard
--
Dave Barry
Listed in:
Dave Barry
Add Quote To Your Quote List
Rating:
4.87
Rate Quote
15 votes submitted
Your Name:
Friend's Email:
Top 5 quotes from Dave Barry
"Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice."
"The only kind of seafood I trust is the fish stick, a totally featureless fish that doesn't have eyeballs or fins."
"You should do your own car repairs. It's an easy way to save money and possibly maim yourself for life."
"Over the next hundred years or so football saw a great many major innovations and refinements that are too boring to even think about. Along the way professional football came into being so that the largest and most violent college players would have a way to earn money other than simply demanding it from innocent civilians."
"What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death."
Top 5 quotes from Dave Barry
"The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above- average drivers."
"People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them."
"Meetings are an addictive, highly self-indulgent activity that corporations and other large organizations habitually engage in only because they cannot actually masturbate."
"What happens if a big asteroid hits Earth? Judging from realistic simulations involving a sledge hammer and a common laboratory frog, we can assume it will be pretty bad."
"Males have a lot of trouble not looking at breasts. What is worse, males cannot look at breasts and think at the same time. In fact, scientists now believe that the primary biological function of breasts is to make males stupid. This was proved in a famous 1978 laboratory experiment wherein a team of leading male psychological researchers at Yale deliberately looked at photographs of breasts every day for two years, at the end of which they concluded that they had failed to take any notes. "We forgot," they said. "We'll have to do it over.""
Quote DB
|
Authors
|
Categories
|
Speeches
|
My Quote List
� Copyright QuoteDB.com
|
privacy
Get a Quote
in your email every day!
We respect your privacy.
You can unsubscribe at any time.
Get a random quote daily in your email!
Add Quotes to Your Site - Quote Generator
