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"Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint." -
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Top 5 quotes from Mark Twain
"Always do right - this will gratify some and astonish the rest."
"It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt."
"It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so."
"I have never let my schooling interfere with my education."
"There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist."
Top 5 quotes from Comedy
"I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy."
"I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch."
"All I've ever wanted was an honest week's pay for an honest day's work."
"Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
"The problem is not that we have too many fools, it's that the lightning isn't distributed right."