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"I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet." -
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Top 5 quotes from Rodney Dangerfield
"I'm at an age where I think more about food than sex. Last week I put a mirror over my dining room table."
"I just finished my first book. Pretty soon, I'm gonna read another."
"I feel sorry for short people, you know. When it rains, they're the last to know."
Top 5 quotes from Comedy
"I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy."
"I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch."
"All I've ever wanted was an honest week's pay for an honest day's work."
"Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
"The problem is not that we have too many fools, it's that the lightning isn't distributed right."