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"What I just said is the fundamental, end-all, final, not-subject-to-opinion absolute truth, depending on where you're standing." -
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Top 5 quotes from Steve Martin
"I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy."
"All I've ever wanted was an honest week's pay for an honest day's work."
"Don't have sex man. It leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start talking to them."
"You know what your problem is? It's that you haven't seen enough movies - all of life's riddles are answered in the movies."
"The greatest thing you can do is surprise yourself."
Top 5 quotes from Comedy
"I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch."
"Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
"The problem is not that we have too many fools, it's that the lightning isn't distributed right."
"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it is too dark to read."
"Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die."